The moon was once made of cheese.Well, maybe to some. The earth was certainly flat though.

Now so many cameras will be glued to the heavens around 4:30 or so PST tomorrow! What for? Well, possibly the greatest non event for disaster conspiracy theorists that’s for sure. If NASA’s LCROSS experiment is a success tomorrow, then what we can expect is a plethora of fantastic information about the sub surface constituents of our nearest astronomical neighbor’s south pole. This will have absolutely, positively no detrimental effects to the orbit, distance, structural integrity and exopolitical integrity of our nearest heavenly neighbor!

If the experiment is a failure however, then woe unto to the residents of planet earth! Let’s just say that there are many theories about what constitutes failure, some of which we can peruse here for our edification. Doom-mungers, here are the top reasons to be afraid! Be very afraid.

Lunar Bombing Fearmungering 101

• The aliens on the far side of the moon will be upset at this clear and present danger to their abode and will kick up a stink with us puny earth humans.

• The moon is really hollow, due to the fact that Apollo 11 seismograph readings reported that the moon ‘rang like a bell for half an hour’ after the lander touched down. This means that LCROSS will shatter the moon or blast a big chunk of it off into space. That’s bad for us because of asteroids. And stuff.

• The moon is going to be subject to a huge impact that will knock it out of orbit, resulting in  cataclysmic upset to our biosphere. Earthquakes, tidal waves, confused mushrooms…

• An explosion of this magnitude will instantly obliterate any traces of liquid h20, revealing, at best, oxygen and hydrogen. Of course the presence of these elements does not mean they were ever combined into a molecule of liquid. It must be a conspiracy! What can the REAL motivation for such an explosion be?

• An explosion of this magnitude is somehow far superior in its ability to throw information at a kamikaze probe than, say, a drill hole..

Have I missed anything? Ah yes, there is always the tiny issue that to reject the testimony of multiple witnesses to the extraterrestrial presence on the moon is to bury your head firmly in the sand.
Like an Ostridge.

Well forgive my boyish optimism, but if this Far Side cartoon here is the scenario we are facing, then may our collective stupidity and inability to be cowed by evil be the very thing that neutralizes its influence. There’s far too much focus on negativity and hidden evil agendas. Let this lunar bombing be a lesson to all the doom merchants out there. When nothing bad happens, realize that the bogeyman has no power but what you give him. Or her.  Or it. There is no good or evil but thinking make it so. This experiment is exactly that and will further the cause of useful and benevolent scientific endeavor…. I hope!

See you on the far side of a successful  lunar bombing. Party on….

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